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Where have we been?

We have been somewhat absent, and we feel we owe you all an explanation.

2024 was a challenging year for our family. I lost an aunt, an uncle and my father who passed away in October after battling for some years with Alzheimers. My aunt and uncle were both in their 90’s and my Dad had celebrated his 80th birthday earlier in the year. Their passing was not unexpected, we had had years to prepare and for all of them it was their time. What was somewhat unexpected was how sad it was, the finality, the realisation that I would never see them again, people I have known my whole life and with whom I had a long and deep history.  

This was especially the case with my dad, there were so many things I wished I had said to him, conversations I wished I had had. I wish I had been more attentive, kinder, more empathetic, more understanding of how hard his last years must have been.

As a society we reserve the punishment of isolation for the worst offenders – murderers, rapists, violent monsters.  

Alzheimers is a cruel condition, it robs the person of their identity, separates them from their roots, their history, their loved ones, their memories. They live in total isolation.

For many years, I would visit my Dad and he wouldn’t know who I was or where I fit in. Maybe as a defence to make it easier for me I would sit with him and read to him from a book I had brought or a newspaper article or my sister and I would chat about whatever was current. I wish I had told him I loved him and how much I admired him; how much he meant to all of us. Suddenly it was over, he had passed. The sudden realisation I had run out of time, I should have acted when I had the chance. 

Their deaths whilst very sad were part of the circle of life, a passing of the torch from one generation to the next. 

What happened on 4 December 2024 was something altogether different.

I checked my watch, “oh crap I’m late”. I pushed my chair back and stood up from my desk and went in search of my car keys. I heard 6 gun shots – bang, bang bang, bang bang bang. They were close, but we have become desensitised. I did not think anything of it, I was running late and on my way to meet a friend for coffee. I was about to send him a message when the phone rang. “Anthony’s been shot”.  

I felt the air get sucked from my lungs, realising the significance of the 6 shots I had just heard.  

I raced up to where we were supposed to meet, he was lying next to his car face down on the side of the road. An ambulance had been called, there was nothing to do but hope, wait and pray. I took his hand, I begged him to hold on, I prayed to God to give him strength. He had been shot 5 times, the damage to his body was just too great, I felt his hand twitch and then go limp. He was gone. It was all so surreal, it had been three minutes since I had heard the gunshots.

We were close, like brothers. We had trained in martial arts together for 8 years. Now I had to tell his fiancé, his mom, his brother that they would never see him again. Those were some of the hardest conversations I have ever had.  

I had never experienced death and mourning through the Jewish faith before. The funeral, stripped of all niceties; no flowers, no hymns, it’s raw and visceral. Sitting shiva, a week of intense grieving.  

It was like having an emotional head on car accident. I felt exhausted. I am only really now able to contextualise 2024 and move on into 2025. 

Thank you for sticking with us. We have some exciting things planned for this year. We look forward to sharing them with you.

With love,

The Perfumery

"Perfume: a testament to a life lived, a whisper of a soul departed."

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